


First time grabbing onto a hand to save us from these dark dreams

by purplefox



Series: ShukitaWeek2019 [4]
Category: Persona 5, Persona Series
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Oneshot
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-01
Updated: 2019-05-01
Packaged: 2020-02-15 15:59:34
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 10,255
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18672904
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/purplefox/pseuds/purplefox
Summary: Shukita week day 4 First Time And NightmaresYusuke is now getting used to the phantom thieves and the leader. Still there is so much about him for Yusuke to see. It's the first time he's been this drawn to someone. He never expected Akira to have so much in common with him





	First time grabbing onto a hand to save us from these dark dreams

For Yusuke he had realized that he was not alone for the first time during the sleepover. It had been hard to sleep after the mess with his sensei had been solved. Hard to focus hard to concentrate. Morgana’s snores would have lulled other people to sleep. His breathing matching with Akira’s.

But Yusuke had been unable to nod off no matter what he did. He closed his eyes, he covered himself tightly with the blanket. He did everything that would normally help in falling asleep and nothing happened. He was frustrated with the situation and himself. how would he be able to drift off? Why couldn’t he drift off to sleep? His mind kept going, his thoughts kept swirling.

It was painful and with that kind of turmoil he somehow fell asleep. Only to wake back up feeling as if he had slept for years. His mind was wide awake but the room was still dark.

It had been frustrating. He was being denied the sleep that he needed and his body would not listen to him. His body would not allow him to just fall into a deep sleep and it was tiring in itself.

But then he had tuned into the sound of Akira in the same room. His mind was awake, his body as well but beyond Morgana’s soft cat snores he heard something else. Something that made him realize that he was not alone and misunderstood as he had thought.

He had thought Akira was a capable leader. During the incident with Madarame he had kept his cool. He had led them guided them and Yusuke had been thankful. He had heard Akira’s story and found it horrifying and similar. As Ann had said maybe they were drawn to each other because they were all just so similar.

But as he listened to Akira stir and mumble he felt less alone. There were things haunting him, things stirring up in his head that kept him from sleeping. Thoughts of his sensei and his thoughts. The worrying thoughts of Madarame’s true face and his motivation. That kept Yusuke from finding peace in sleep.

But as he listened to Akira he felt less alone. He knew for the first time that there was someone else there who knew what he felt. Akira had his own demons just like Yusuke. He had his own fear his own suffering and he carried on anyway.

That was more than enough for him. Yusuke gently pushed the cover off himself and got to his feet.t he room was dark only light from outside giving the room any bit of light. Akira was under his sheet Morgana curled on top of it over Akira’s shoulder. From the little light in the room Yusuke could see his face twisted in discomfort as he slept. His eyes were moving behind his closed lids. He was being tormented, haunted in his dreams. Yusuke could related except that it haunted him during his waking hours too.

Or maybe, maybe it haunted Akira during the daytime as well. Maybe Yusuke was not alone on any front especially this one. He hesitated before he knelt by the bed. He gently reached for Akira’s hand. To shake his shoulder would be too much.

His hand barely touched Akira’s own before Akira’s clammy hand seized his in a tight grip. Akira’s grip was tight and his palm was cold but his breathing slowly calmed. It became less frantic, his breathing eased as he clutched onto Yusuke’s hand and his face relaxed. Seeing Akira relax because of an extended hand moved Yusuke. Maybe what they all needed was a little help.

X

Yusuke had fallen asleep there by Akira’s side holding his hand and kneeling by the bed. When he had managed to wake back up there was a faint change in the room. Dawn was coming. Morgana had still been fast asleep. Akira’s hand was still holding his tightly, his face was at ease.

Such a thing that warmed his heart. It had hurt to pull away. It had hurt him to have to let Akira’s hand go. His leader, the leader of the phantom thieves had a tight grip and he made a soft sound of discomfort when Yusuke pulled away.

Packing his things up had been a little hard. His gaze kept going to the bed. His gaze kept going to the leader that he had learned more about just a while ago. Akira had shared his story and his feelings. Yusuke was grateful for that. He was thankful for that; Akira had let him in and he had seen how all of them were so very similar.

Still, Yusuke zipped up his bag and gave the occupants of the bed another glance. He for the first time had felt a feeling of solidarity outside of palaces and the metaverse. Still it was hard to leave Akira behind, his face, his posture.

There were man things that Yusuke had been thinking about but thanks to Akira he had found a bit of peace. Not just a bit of peace. He had come to a few realizations of his own. He crossed over to where Morgana and Akira still slept and indulged himself with gently running his fingers over Morgana’s fur. He barely stirred. He trailed his finger down Akira’s cheek, soft, cool. Behind such a pretty face lay so much strength determination and secrets. But he understood Yusuke more than many people ever could.

He had reached out his hand without shame even though he was asleep. He had clung to Yusuke, reached out for him and he had refused to let go. He was not ashamed to get help or even ask for it. Compared to Yusuke, Akira was already in a better place.

He had asked for help, he had problems and secrets just like Yusuke. While the phantom thieves seemed to have some similarities there were still enough differences that Yusuke had felt a bit misunderstood and alone. He was sure they would get to know each other better within time. Still when it came to Akira, there were so many similarities that Yusuke knew in his heart-

His hand gently stroked Akira’s cheek once more. “We just may be able to help each other.” He said softly.

X

New determination? Envy right? That was what it was. Sojiro, Boss as he liked to be called. He gave Yusuke a good talk after he reluctantly took himself away from Akira. It had been hard to leave. Yusuke was no an affectionate person. He was not the type of person to cling physically to another.

But leaving Akira behind and coming downstairs to the café. That had been difficult. He had not wanted to go, it had been difficult to tear himself away. He had touched Akira’s cheek, stroked Morgana’s fur and found himself for the first time considering doing acts he had never considered before.

He was not the type to cling to someone but he had knelt and held Akira’s hand while he slept. He was not the type that sought physical comfort but he had looked at the sheet covering Akira and had longed to pull it back.

Akira had unknowingly shown Yusuke that there was another way forward. That the two of them would most likely grow closer as they went along. Akira had his pain, Yusuke had heard some of it the night before. He had not heard everything he knew that but he knew that in time he just would.

Boss had given him plenty of things to think about too. The best thing for him to do right now was to return to Kosei’s dorms. That was the best possible action that he could take for right now. In time, as things went along he would learn Akira and Akira would learn him.

This fascination that was different to every other feeling he had experienced so far. Yusuke would unravel the meaning of it. He would slowly take it apart. He would figure out what it was about Akira that made him so hard to resist.

He would find a way that he too could reach out. It just felt as though if it was Akira. If he trusted everything to Akira, maybe just maybe the pain and the nightmares could fade. It also felt as if maybe if it was him by Akira’s side he could sleep a bit more peacefully. Or maybe that was arrogance.

“You don’t have to leave.” Boss Sojiro frowned as he wiped down the counter. “He might not have said anything but I know the kid would like it if you crashed here until everything got figured out. I wouldn’t mind either. You aren’t a bad kid.”

“Thank you.” Yusuke smiled, hearing such things felt good it warmed his heart. He wished he could stay but right now at this moment he had to go. Hearing Boss talking to him like that gave him hope. “Thank you Boss but I have to go.” He glanced towards the stairs. “It would be cruel to wake him so early.” He got up from the chair with a smile. “I look forward to seeing you again Boss.”

X

Turned out that Akira, their leader did not like Yusuke taking an early leave. Yusuke had smiled at the response he received on his phone. It was rather immediate as well. Their leader after waking and discovering him gone had messaged him right away. The disappointment, the tone of the message. Yusuke could almost picture his face.

He would have loved to see Akira fixated on something or in deep thought. He would make a magnificent model. Yusuke felt as though by watching Akira he could unlock, discover something in himself and maybe in Akira. They all had their own secrets. Especially their leader.

Yusuke had fallen asleep by their leader’s side. He had nodded off holding as tightly to Akira’s hand as Akira had held his. It had felt… he had felt…

It was a good thing he had left. Right now he knew Akira could help him and that he could help Akira. he knew this but there needed to be trust on both sides and they needed to understand each other. The other stuff could come afterwards. Yusuke could wait for now.

He did find his leader’s tone cute however. That he could be amused so easily and so quickly after everything had happened. Yusuke had a lot to deal with he knew this. People’s eyes would be on him. The world would be watching. Teachers and classmates would be focused on him. There was no dodging it and no real escape of it. He knew this but he was unbothered in every way that counted. Let them have their eyes on him. Let them watch they had not seen the truth then and he was certain they would continue to blind themselves.

He on the other hand, he had found a hand that he wanted to reach out to. A person that understood and accepted him. A hand that he felt could save him. A person that the help would not be one-sided. Akira needed something as much as Yusuke needed someone and he was not afraid to ask for help.

Yusuke tapped his phone against his knee as he ignored the bustle behind him. He wanted the class to begin. He wanted the focus to be on the teacher. He also wanted to see Akira again soon. Not just for work purposes he wanted, he needed to hear his voice and see his face.

He had not wanted Yusuke to leave. Did that mean that Akira was aware of his own feelings and need? Was he comfortable in it when asleep and when awake? But he was so leaderlike. He had seemed to be the one to lean on. He was going to be something interesting to learn. Yusuke sighed as he relaxed in his seat. He had left but he wanted to return to LeBlanc. Chat with Boss, return to Akira’s room. He could not at this moment but soon, soon enough.

X

Sometimes he let his pencil guide him. Sometimes Yusuke sat before a large canvas and let his hands and his heart carry him through. It did not always give results. Sometimes the things that he managed to finish were thrown away after wards. He was never expecting masterpieces or things like that but sometimes his pencil or brush needed to move.

When he had turbulent emotions inside of himself, when his thoughts were so chaotic that words did not do. During these times, Yusuke sat before his canvas and let his pencil and brush decide what shape would form. It did not happen often, usually he was bursting with idea and inspiration.

Now he was filled to the brim with various feelings. Most of them revolved around his involvement with Akira and the rest of the thieves. He did not regret his decisions. Not for one bit, his eyes had been opened and he could feel that a new door had been opened to him. It was walking down the path that had been revealed that was the difficult part.

Yusuke ignored his classmates around him as he focused on the canvas before him. The whispers had been pointed but everyone had left him alone so far. He doubted there would be anything but stares and whispers. The people in his classes did not have the scent of those kind of malicious people that would sabotage.

Unlike Shujin. Yusuke had barely seen the school or those around the others but he could see their eyes were different. Yet Akira walked among them as though there was nothing wrong. It was actually admirable.

He slowly watched the lines form as he sketched. Akira was in his mind’s eye but he was not alone. Ann, Ryuji. Morgana peeking out and over Akira’s shoulder. His strong back cutting through those that belonged to his school. His unbothered expression that he wore along with the fake glasses.

The face he made when he reached out for help and comfort. It was still in Yusuke’s mind. He lowered his pencil and sighed while he tried to make sense of what his hands had moved to draw. The various lines were coming together as he stared.

“Very nice Kitagawa-kun.” His teacher’s hand light tapped his shoulder as he stopped behind Yusuke. “Is this a new model of yours? Don’t they have a face? Or is this for a themed piece?”

“They aren’t modelling for me sensei.” Yusuke paused before he gently touched the canvas. Akira’s easy going figure from the back. “I haven’t asked them to be my model. I just see them from time to time.” He smiled. “I’d actually like to get to know them better.” He admitted.

“That feeling of longing may be embedded if you try hard enough.” His teacher laughed. “Keep up the good work Kitagawa-kun.”

X

“I was trying to figure out what a place like this would be to you. A shrine? A temple? Home?” Akira’s voice from the door started Yusuke so badly that he almost fell off his chair. The last thing he had expected to see was Akira in the doorway to the art room watching him. “Yo.” Akira laughed softly. “Hey Yusuke.”

“Why are you here?” Yusuke glanced around the empty art room before he hissed. “How did you get here?”

“Caught the train.” Akira stretched before he stepped inside the classroom. With his foot he closed the door behind himself and tossed his empty bag on another chair. “Morgana is doing me a favour and I had something to do at Kosei today. Then I wondered what you were doing, I wanted to get a look.” Akira said softly. “And you see… found you.”

“Found me.” Yusuke paused before he sighed. “I suppose- well yes you have.” He placed his hands on his knees and eyed the leader of the phantom thieves. His leader as well. “Now that you are here leader, what can I do for you?”

“Do for me?” Akira shook his head. “Just came to take a look really. This is your livelihood. I wanted to get a peek into your world. The thing that consumes you more than anything. You’re really passionate about this stuff and you’re good too. let’s just say I wanted to get to know you and your struggles a little better. Knowing my team is basic common sense.”

“And it might work out for you in the long run as well right?” Yusuke chuckled as he glanced back to his canvas. He had finished the one he had been working on in class and had moved on. The lines were hesitant as he had poured his thoughts into the work. His darker fears were driving the piece this time.

“Well I am the leader.” Akira got to his feet and shoved his hands into his pockets as he paced closer. “You’re good. I had thought this before.” He said softly as he peered at the canvas. “But there is just something about your work. You must get acknowledged a lot.”

“Not as much as I had wanted.” Yusuke admitted softly. “With my change in styles and my different directions maybe that will change.”

“Well we will see huh.” Akira murmured as he stood next to Yusuke’s chair. “You know I wondered what this room would represent to you. A shrine? A workplace? A temple? Someplace holy? Something comforting? You seem so at ease and right at home here.” Akira said softly as he tilted his head looking at Yusuke’s work. “And I’m left with more questions than answers. Isn’t that just funny Yusuke?”

“That is how it is sometimes in the artworld.” Yusuke admitted as he looked over his work. “But it is a bit of both, this place is comforting to me. It is also somewhere I deeply respect. It’s a mix.” He laughed softly. “Rarely is something just one thing.”

“True.” Akira leaned forward and pressed his hand on the canvas. “You know it looks at these points as though the viewer is sinking but if you shift your perspective.” He said softly. “Doesn’t it look as though dawn is coming? That’s pretty cool Yusuke.” Yusuke blinked before he got to his feet. He had to stand right against Akira feeling his warmth for a few seconds before he was able to see it. The faint streaks of light and hope.

X

“So you want to go to LeBlanc?” Akira asked as he watched those around them in the station. He had removed his glasses and tucked them into his pocket. Morgana was not joining their conversation. From the moment he arrived Akira had showed him the inside of the bag where Morgana was sleeping soundly. ‘He had a rough day’ Akira had confessed with a laugh before he tucked his bag over his shoulder. ‘Let’s let him nap a bit.’

“If you don’t mind.” Yusuke’s eyes followed two college aged students as they passed them. Men in their early twenties minding nothing but each other’s company. Not noticing the things around them. It seemed nice. He would be able to sketch them if he wanted to but the scenery around them, he would change it.

“You want to see the Sayuri then.” Akira said softly. “That sounds nice. Sojiro would like to see you again too. Either he or I could make you coffee. Though I would rather do it.” He laughed softly. “That is if you don’t mind it being me. Sojiro just started to teach me but I think I’m not awful.”

“I like your coffee.” Yusuke said softly. “It tastes nice and as your skills improve it gets better. Boss’s coffee is on another level but you can taste his skills and care. With you the coffee tastes… a bit more catered. A bit more personal. It is something I had thought when we drink it in the metaverse. You brew according to our tastes and changing tastes.”

“Well.” Akira laughed softly. “I guess you aren’t wrong there. When it comes to you and the others I know you a little better. I try to get to know you even better so I work hard at it.” He said softly. “I want you to drink the coffee I made specially for you. I guess it’s kind of personal huh. A different attitude to the one a coffeehouse owner should have.”

“It’s fine.” Yusuke smiled. “Your coffee would make the Sayuri viewing even better.”

“Well what would make the entire thing even better.” Akira said softly. “Is if you stayed over this time. You don’t mind right? I’d like it if you stayed over today.”

“Oh.” Yusuke clutched his bag as he watched Akira watch him. “Providing I’m not a bother-“

“I’d like it.” Akira said softly. “And Sojiro doesn’t mind at all. So please? It would be nice to have you over again.”

“With an invitation like that, how can I refuse. I guess I’m your guest until morning.”

X

“You look relaxed.” Akira said softly when he handed Yusuke his coffee. “I’m glad, you’ve had a lot on your plate lately.”

“So have you.” Yusuke turned away from the Sayuri and leaned further on the counter as he watched Akira. The apron was nice, it suited him. He had kept off the glasses and the way he and Boss Sojiro moved around each other in the kitchen. You could tell that they understood each other very well. They had their own rhythm. “So maybe you should take a drink as well.”

“I’m not exactly on the clock now.” Akira laughed softly as he wiped the counter in front of Yusuke. “I could sit down and have a drink as well. I mean, brew it.” He glanced down the café to where Boss Sojiro was giving a customer some service. “Maybe Sojiro will treat me a bit.”

“You really think so?” Yusuke laughed. “Is that that what you think will happen?” He took a small sip and sighed. The taste, the flavour and the texture. With every single brew, Akira got better. This one even tasted familiar. “This reminds me of the one I had recently.” He said softly.

“I remembered how much you enjoyed the one I had made you at the Museum.” Akira said softly. “But I thought it could use some improvements. Right now it looks like you enjoy it even better than before and I’m glad.” He said softly. “I like how you enjoy it but somehow.” He mused as he glanced at Boss Sojiro, even this doesn’t feel perfect.”

“So you’ll be looking to improve it yet again.” Yusuke smiled. “I’m glad, I’m grateful.” He closed his eyes as he took another sip. “I have to admit that I’m looking forward to sampling even more of your coffee leader.”

“That’s not right.” Akira leaned on the counter and stared at Yusuke meet his gaze head on. The pull was intense. “Times like this, you should say Akira shouldn’t you. No honorific either.”

What an interesting person. His eyes said he would not budge on the matter either. Yusuke stifled his smile and nodded. “Fine then, Akira.” The smile that spread across Akira’s face was so compelling that Yusuke’s fingers twitched for a second. “I look forward to your growth.”

“I can say the same to you.” Akira stood up properly and attempted to smooth out his curly hair. He glanced at Boss Sojiro with a wry smile. “We lead a crazy life and it can only get crazier from here. Now you think about it, it’s a rather wild ride we have ahead of us.”

“I would agree.” Yusuke said softly. “But I think we can handle it. More like I think if we stick together we should be able to weather anything that comes our way.”

“I love the way you talk like a phantom thief.” Akira laughed softly before he straightened up. “I’ll make some more coffee and something light to snack on. We can hang out down here for a little more. I know you need to look at the Sayuri for a little longer. I’ll make dinner when the café is closed.”

X

“Yusuke.” The hand on his shoulder startled him awake. Yusuke opened his eyes to see Akira kneeling by his side in the dimness of the room. Yusuke frowned even as he sat up. he had been worried about the last time repeating itself, he had been worried about not falling asleep but it seemed as though he had nodded off fairly quickly.

He and Akira had fallen into conversation after the café was closed. Dinner had been curry and coffee before they had retreated to the bathhouse. Akira had paid for the both of them before Yusuke could even say anything. Then he had led the way towards the baths.

Then there had been clean up before they had retreated upstairs. Yusuke had sketched a bit while he watched Akira prepare for bed. Stretches under Morgana’s eye before he had moved to his desk. Then he had began to work, quickly falling into his own world. Yusuke had watched and sketched before he had stretched out. Then he had fallen asleep sometime after that. Now he had Akira kneeling at his side his eyes concerned.

When Yusuke looked past him towards Akira’s bed he saw Morgana’s black fur on it but the cat was unmoving. Was he still the asleep? “Akira.” Yusuke said softly. “What is the matter?”

“You were-“ Akira said softly. “You were having a bad dream. I woke you up.”

“A bad-“ Yusuke closed his eyes before he sat up properly. He avoided Akira’s gaze before he sighed. “A bad dream, I see.” That explained the discomfort in his body. “Well, considering events it is to be expected. My subconscious has a lot of things to mull through.” He laughed softly. “I’m sorry for disturbing you.”

“I had only nodded off before I noticed. It really isn’t that late.” Akira said softly before he took a seat next to Yusuke. “it may be after twelve but it’s not that late. You want to talk about it?”

“I don’t even know what I was dreaming about this time.” Yusuke said softly. “But I can certainly guess the contents. Most likely I’ll be right.”

“You’ve gone through a lot lately.” Akira said softly. “It’s to be expected Yusuke. You have to give yourself time.”

“I know.” Yusuke said softly. “But I’m glad you woke me. Things have been bothering me lately. Hindering the way I do things. I know there is a lot of my mind and I’m certain my mind wants to use my dreams to explore these options.” Yusuke said softly. “But you can’t keep going. You have to stop sometimes.”

“It’s weird to see that you actually know these things.” Akira said softly. “But you’re not wrong.” He glanced towards his bed. “There are many things that are on our minds. Not just me and not just you. Still, you can’t fight everything on your own. Sometimes head on isn’t the smartest thing to do either.”

“Leader’s giving me advice.” Yusuke said softly. “I don’t know how to feel about this.” He stared at the bed with Morgana on it and lowered his voice. “What do you do? When it gets too much. When you can’t tell whether you are awake or sleeping. When the eyes burn into you. What do you do Akira?”

“I pat Morgana. I work out.” Akira said softly. “Sometimes I go for a walk. Depends on the time. Sometimes just feeling others around you, blending in and being nobody. Sometimes that is a blessing. Sometimes it is a curse. Still, the thing that I do the most is check my phone.” Yusuke watched the smile spread across Akira’s face. “Ryuji’s always messaging me. There are plenty of pictures to scroll through. Ann, Ryuji. Selfies, moments captured in time reminding me of what I have and what I want.” He said softly. “Sometimes seeing them is enough. Sometimes I invite you guys out or over and we work, we go Mementos and I feel better.”

“All of that.” Yusuke said softly as he recalled how Akira had held onto his hand the last time he had stayed the night. You depend on us.”

“I like you guys.” Akira said softly. “I trust you, we put our lives on the line together. we back each other up. Besides.” He said softly. “You won’t judge me, you accept me.” He met Yusuke’s gaze solidly. “Having someone who understands who is on your side. That can’t be underestimated.”

“Since I met you.” Yusuke said softly. “It felt as though you were one of the few people who could possibly understand me and this. The eyes… the people. I don’t have it like you but-“

“Don’t try to compare it. We’re both hurt. We’re both paying for it. We are both suffering.” Akira said softly as he reached for Yusuke’s hand. The grip was tight and warm. “That’s what matters here. It’s what has always mattered here Yusuke. But I know what you mean, those eyes that burn into you. Dealing with shadows are easier than putting up with the stares. But I just have Shujin students. Everyone that knew Madarame.” Akira gently ran his fingers down Yusuke’s face. “Their eyes on you.”

“Yes.” Yusuke said softly. “Those that know, their eyes feel different.”

“And it hurts.” Akira whispered.

“Yes.” Yusuke’s breath hitched over the word. “It hurts.”

“And you stand alone, you feel so alone. Alone and cold.” Akira said softly.

Yusuke squeezed Akira’s hand that held his own. “Yes.” He admitted. “It’s a different kind of cold and it is not pleasant.”

“And you wish for someone to understand.” Akira pulled his hand from Yusuke’s grip gently. “And you wish for someone to warm you up.” The hug he pulled Yusuke into made him free. “And when you find someone who understands you feel yourself relaxing.” Akira’s hands, his embrace was so warm. It was a hug that Yusuke had not known he had been wanting. His skin warmed up but for the first time he did not mind. Being held like this, he had not even known that this was what he had been seeking.

X

“This is strange.” Yusuke said softly. This was his first time sleeping in the same bed as another person. He had never done sleepovers or all the other things normal kids did. He had no memories of drifting off with another’s body heat next to his. As things was he doubted he could doze off with Akira in the cramped bed with him. “I’ve never done any of this before.”

“First time for everything right?” Akira said softly as he toyed with Yusuke’s hair. Morgana was curled up on top of the sheet covering him. His soft snores filing the room. He had not even moved when Akira had picked him up. when Akira had set him back down over the sheet Morgan had just curled up once more his snores never once hitching. “This is something that I think that everyone should do at least once.” Akira said softly. “Don’t underestimate how nice it feels to sleep next to someone.”

“Is this something you do often then?” Yusuke questioned as he kept his voice low. Obviously Akira could not be indulging in such behaviour at LeBlanc. Unless things with Ann and Ryuji had developed to a point that Yusuke had missed this entire time. “With the others or back home?”

“Ann would smack me if I even hinted towards this.” Akira laughed softly. “But she doesn’t mind sleeping against my shoulder in the train. It feels nice.” He said softly. “Ryuji? I’m tempted to bring it up just to see his face. He would be so cute. He would splutter and freak out depending how I do it. Of course he could just hop in to throw me off too. That would be funny, that would be cute.” Akira said softly. “But not here beyond Morgana. Morgana is nice but it’s not the same as a person.” His eyes were a bit distant as he spoke. “But back home, this is something grew used to back home.”

“Back home.” Yusuke said softly as Akira’s hand gently smoothed across the sheet covering them. “I’ve been wondering but your family back home. Do you have a sibling? Younger cousins that live nearby? Sometimes you give off a bit of a-“ Yusuke paused. “I’m unsure but it seems like you would be good with children.”

“I’m an only child.” Akira said softly. “But my parents always wanted more children. There’s just me though. They were thinking about adopting but they couldn’t manage that.” He closed his eyes. “My mom wanted tons of kids. She spoils my cousins when they visit from Osaka. She’s the favourite Aunt. My Dad, everyone loves him. I like kids, I always wanted to be a big brother. I used to watch the younger kids all the time. The Aunties in my neighbourhood used to let me hold the babies and play with them.”

“I see.” Yusuke did see. “You enjoy that, you understand the comfort in holding. You must miss your hometown.”

“A bit.” Akira’s hand stilled for a moment before he continued to smooth the sheet. “I miss the Aunties, my parents. I miss the kids I used to see. I miss the teams.” He said softly. “I miss practice and I miss being able to walk around without a care. There are lots of things that I miss Yusuke.” He said softly. “But those days are done. I miss getting hugged by all my teammates when I did something good. The camps where no one would want to go to sleep. I never thought I would miss the noise and the chaos.” His eyes were soft and conflicted as he watched Yusuke. “But it turns out that I do. I truly do.”

“There are so many things I never thought I would find myself envying.” Yusuke said softly. “Art is my everything. Sensei was my everything.” Yusuke said softly. “Now with everything that has happened I can’t sleep. Everyone’s eyes are on me. I wanted to see the truth. I see it now but now the way I look at the world and the way that I look at rt has changed so much I no longer know what to do. How to proceed.”

“I understand.” Akira said softly as his hand moved from the sheet to Yusuke’s shoulder. “Everything has switched up on you. You feel like you’re drowning. Everything is different and all you want to do is continue along the same path as before. You can’t. Everyone is watching. They are whispering.” Akira said softly. “They keep waiting, they want to watch you slip and fall. They want to know if you will be just as bad as you had been expecting.”

“Yes.” Yusuke said softly. “That’s what they want, it is what they are doing.”

“And it really sucks.” Akira shifted until he was able to rest his head against Yusuke’s shoulder. Morgana’s snoring was the only thing Yusuke was able to hear for a few moments before Akira spoke again. “But we are kids just trying to make it. Just trying to get through another day. We had dreams before this all started. We shouldn’t lose them because of some shitty adult.”

“I find it hard to balance the things I know in my mind.” Yusuke stared at the wall as he spoke. “There are so many things I know and things I remember. Some things coming to memory. Things that I still don’t understand. My uncertainty, my darker feelings. I feel as though the more they swirl around inside of me. The more I’ll stagger. I may stagnate and I may even lose the place that I want to belong.”

“Those are hard thoughts.” Akira said softly. “But none of that you should do alone. When it comes to the art world I feel like there will always be a place for you. The things I’ve heard, the things I’ve seen. Then there is you yourself.” Akira leaned back and the searching way he looked at Yusuke made him pause. “I don’t think there is a single person who can doubt you love art once they see and listen to you. The eyes are hard.” Akira finished softly. “But you don’t have to stand them alone.”

“I’ve been on my own far longer than I knew.” Yusuke whispered. “I’m sorry to have to say that I’ve been trapped in a bubble all this time. Now is the perfect time to re-evaluate myself but my mind can’t calm enough for those sorts of things.”

“I understand that too.” Akira sighed before he pushed closer. The way he wrapped himself around Yusuke made him smile. On the cramped bed he felt calm, he did not usually like being warm but Akira’s warmth made him relax. He felt sleepy the longer that they stayed like that. His fingers gently touched Akira’s hair, far softer than he had expected. For something that was usually so wild, it was so soft and giving. Just like Akira.

“I feel like I’ll be able to have peaceful dreams this time.” Yusuke said softly.

“And even if you don’t.” Akira said softly. “I’m right here. You’re not alone.”

“No I’m not.” Yusuke said softly. “And neither are you.” He was reminded of the hand that had held onto his the last time he was here. “If you have troubled dreams, I’m right here.”

“Yeah.” Akira’s arms squeezed him tightly. “Yes you are. You’re here. Right by my side.” Akira finished softly.

X

The first time waking up with someone else. It was a strange feeling. Yusuke woke up feeling warm, he woke up feeling rested and for the first time since he had shattered the scales in his eyes, he woke up feeling at peace. He knew that this was not the end of it.

This night he was fine, this time he was relaxed and he felt safe. But like Akira had said and hinted, the times would come back. It was not as though Yusuke had forgotten the obstacles in his way and Akira’s way. It was not as though everything that had made them hurt had fallen away. Far from it.

Morgana was still snoring softly but he had moved. Now he had slipped between himself and Akira. still on top of the sheets but he had fallen into the crease between them and slept peacefully.

“Morning.” Akira’s voice was soft and husky. “You’re contemplating so early in the morning.”

“I didn’t have any more bad dreams.” Yusuke said softly as he shifted slightly. “But to have them back to back, I had never expected that to be the case.”

“Lucky you.” Akira laughed softly and Morgana stirred. He chuckled and gently stroked Morgana’s ears until soft snores filled the air again. “I wish I could say the same. Sometimes I’m haunted over and over until daylight comes. Sometimes the thoughts and the dreams just don’t go away Yusuke.”

“I don’t think I’ve experienced that.” Yusuke said softly. “But I think I admire you for continuing to try.”

“What else can I do?” Akira snorted. “Give up? apparently that’s not in my nature. He paused for a few seconds before he whispered. “Still, there is no better feeling than knowing you are not alone.”

“Yes.” Yusuke agreed. “The phantom thieves, you. There is comfort in knowing I don’t have to walk alone, battle this alone. And there is comfort in knowing that you understand. That it is not just empathy. You truly do feel what I feel.”

“It’s not easy.” Akira said softly as he gently reached up his hand to stroke Yusuke’s face. “But we understand and we make it through. It is still hard. It will still be tough but being by each other’s side. Being a phone call or message away. That will make it easier. For me, knowing that you are nearby and I can talk to you. You can talk to me. It takes a load off my shoulders.”

“And I can say the same about you.” Yusuke said softly. “In fact, I think I can even say more. When it comes to this, there are plenty of firsts that I’m experiencing.” He admitted softly. “But sleeping next to you, being able to sleep after it evaded me for so long.” Yusuke laughed. “Knowing that I won’t be alone. All of this has opened doors for me Akira.” He slowly reached out and rested his hand on Akira’s cheek. This cramped bed almost felt like the entire world. “This is a new path that I’m taking.”

“Thank you but it’s the same for me.” Akira shifted and Morgana slipped further into the sheets as Akira reached up. Yusuke got swept into Akira’s embrace and before he knew it a soft kiss was being pressed to his forehead. “You know.” Akira said softly. “When we first met I never saw us being close, us being here. Yet a few weeks later and look at us. There is nowhere I would rather have you than at my side and guarding my back.”

“I’m the same.” Yusuke smiled into the softness of Akira’s shirt. “You were a nuisance a few weeks ago and now, you’ve pointed me to where I need to be. You’re fast becoming the best friend I’ve ever had.”

“Friend.” Akira said softly as he pulled back. His smile was soft as he looked at Yusuke. “Yes, all of us are friends. Every single one of us. As bad as things are. I’m glad I can be with you like this. I’m glad that I’m needed enough that I can be your friend Yusuke.” His thumb gently stroked Yusuke’s cheek. “I can tell that you’re just going to be amazing.”

X

“You’re so defined.” Yusuke murmured as he sketched. The morning had just begun. It was still fairly early but a faint light was shining through the windows and that was enough. His pencil moved across his sketchpad and his eyes kept going to the other active person in the room. “Every part of your body seems carefully crafted.”

“I’m sure.” Akira grunted as he pulled himself up to the beam. “That I mentioned sports back in my hometown.” He hovered for a few seconds before he lowered himself with another grunt. Yusuke’s eyes watched the muscles flex as Akira dragged himself back up his grip on the supporting beam tight. Morgana who was peering down at Akira gave a huge sigh.

“Even I knew at the look of you that you weren’t exactly normal.” Morgana scolded as Yusuke adjusted his lines. He needed to capture it better. Akira was facing him and the light shining through the window was honestly more than enough. It was a vision worth sketching. Yusuke was caught up in watching and capturing Akira’s figure. “Later on to find out that’s you’re just perfect just a bit our of practice.”

“Not much motivation after being kicked off the team.” Akira grunted as he pulled himself up and hovered. Yusuke’s pencil skated across the page as he watched Akira had he had to hurry and pull it back where it was needed. “But at least now I can get back into it. I want to be strong to help. Besides, I don’t want to get my ass kicked by shadows.” He laughed as he did several pull ups as he spoke. He hung there after the last one and sighed. “How am I doing Morgana?”

“Better than yesterday for certain.” Morgana mused. “Another five more and that’s it for today. We don’t want you tired out before the day begins.”

“It’s a good wake up.” Akira panted as he pulled himself up again. “My whole body feels alive. If I were on the field I would run down the track.” He hovered before he gently let himself drop. Then he pulled himself back up again. “Pole in hand.” He grunted as he pulled himself up and hovered. “Then when I reached that point I would just…fly.” He sighed as he dropped. “I miss it but I know what my record is like.” Akira murmured. “It was a good run.”

“I would have liked to see that.” Yusuke said as he finished up his sketch. They were rough but he had captured the essence of them all. Akira stretching, Akira doing push ups and finished up with Akira doing the pull ups. Those ones maybe Yusuke could take further. There was something about Akira doing pull ups that captured his focus.

“The way palaces and shadows go.” Akira laughed softly as he finished up. he dropped to his feet and stretched. “You just might.” He picked up the towel he had slung over the chair and wiped his face. “Now to start the day with some coffee.” He sighed. “You want some as well right Yusuke?”

“I’m looking forward to you brewing again.” Yusuke watched the way that Akira decided not to wear a shirt and instead slung the towel around his shoulders. “It feels as though it will taste even better than yesterday.”

“You.” Akira came to a stop right where Yusuke sat as Morgana jumped down to the desk and then the floor. “You’re cute sometimes. You know that?” He gently cupped Yusuke’s face before he smiled again. “Seriously, really cute sometimes.”

X

“Um.” Morgana said as he stared at Yusuke’s sketchbooks. “Uh, Yusuke.” He whispered. “These are all of leader though.” He placed a paw over the newest page where Yusuke had crammed sketch after sketch of Akira. various sizes and poses with the same subject.

“Yes.” Yusuke said softly as he glanced across the café. Akira was shirtless and humming a low song under his breath as he picked beans. It was still fairly early. From what Yusuke recalled, Sojiro would not come over for another hour at least. There was still some time for them to have quiet in LeBlanc.

“Why is it all Joker?” Morgana hissed as he pawed at the sketches. “You’ve been looking at him like this the whole time?” He breathed as he looked at Yusuke. “This is how you look at Joker?”

“What’s wrong with how I look at him?” Yusuke frowned. “I was trying to step back a bit. Not be personally involved. I did not want personal feelings to enter my sketches. I wanted to capture him as he is.” He said softly. Akira had moved to the siphon and was checking the flame. “There is nothing wrong with the way I look at our leader.”

“Ugh.” Morgana groaned as he looked up at Yusuke. “The both of you… but leader. Look I don’t know what happened after I went to sleep but congratulations about getting closer or whatever.” Morgana turned around and wrapped his tail around himself his gaze fixed on Yusuke. “But sleeping in the same bed, letting him touch you like that. Touching him like that. You do know that isn’t normal right? He doesn’t treat us like that. He just does that to you. You just do that to him. I know to him you’re special. For you, is this just a part of your personality? A quirk?”

“A quirk?” Yusuke asked softly as he broke away from Morgana’s gaze. His eyes found Akira once more and he had to smile. “No, I don’t think so. I’m just doing what feels to be the right thing. For the first time ever things are brighter. For the first time ever I’m feeling like this. It’s a hard emotion to describe but I don’t want to lose it.” Yusuke admitted softly. “Can I really be blamed for how I feel right now? Akira gets it.” He said softly. “He gets me and I understand him. He needs someone.”

“And so do you.” Morgana tilted his head before his tail thumped against the table. “Even though he’s leader, he needs someone that needs Akira. I guess you did notice it.”

“An artist has to use their gaze on the world in order to capture it. I can’t afford to be blind. I can’t allow scales to form a second time.” Yusuke used his finger to gently stroke Morgana’s nose. “With him, things are just easier.”

X

The first time that Yusuke was able to save Akira from his dreams. That moment had been nerve-wracking for him. He had been still awake. Just sitting up in the cramped bed sketching while Akira slept against his side. Morgana had fallen asleep on Akira’s fallen stomach.

The low light from the lamp gave Yusuke all the light that he needed. He had passed time like that. Listening to Morgana’s soft snores and Akira’s breathing. It had been soothing. The warmth as his side, the feeling of Akira’s soft breaths against his shoulder as he sketched.

Everything had been fine for the first hour until Akira’s breathing changed. It sped up, he made soft sounds of distress and Yusuke had been pulled from the art zone he had fallen into. He had glanced down first at Akira. When he saw the furrowed face, the distressed expression he had just reacted. The sketchpad he had thrown to the side as he reached for Akira’s shoulders.

The distress and the way his temperature had dropped, that had alarmed Yusuke so much he had just shaken Akira awake. Maybe he could have done it in a gentler manner. Maybe leaning over Akira and shaking him awaken had not been the best idea but he had just reacted.

He had shaken his shoulders until Akira gave a deep gasp and finally opened his eyes. It had been a relief to see his eyes blinking up at Yusuke. His fingers had trembled as Akira gasped and grasped for him. Akira’s fingers had been shaking but the relief in his face and eyes.

Yusuke had done the right thing; he had known he had because saving Akira from whatever had been in his dreams had been so important. Akira shouldn’t have to suffer, as long as Yusuke was there. Just as how Yusuke had Akira, Akira had him to reach out to. They had each other and for the first time he felt his heart ease.

He had never slept next to someone before. He had never so easily drifted off with the feeling of someone pressed against him. He had never fallen asleep holding someone’s hand either. Akira was a lot of firsts for him and Yusuke would not have it any other way.

Akira was their leader and for the first time Yusuke was able to not just help him. He was able to save him. It was one thing to back him up in the metaverse. It was one thing to support and protect him in a fight. It was another thing to rescue him from the demons in his own mind. It was something else entirely and Yusuke was glad he could be right here for Akira.

“What time is it?” Akira gasped as his fingers trembled. His eyes showed intense relief as cold sweat ran down his face.

“Maybe an hour after you went to sleep.” Yusuke touched the dark circles under Akira’s eyes gently. “You didn’t sleep for very long. I was still up.”

“I didn’t wake Mona did I?” His voice was a little husky but it trembled as he shifted to check the bed. Morgana was somehow still fast asleep just pressed against the wall now. Yusuke’s frantic action had shifted him from Akira entirely. “Good.” Akira breathed softly. “Thank goodness. He’s still asleep.”

“I’m glad I caught you in time.” Yusuke said softly. That got him a small smile from Akira that made him frown. “What is it?”

“The wording.” Akira smiled. “You did catch me in time. Just now in my dream there was no mat.” He shivered. “I soared so high and I was then falling into the darkness, into the whispers. Into their eyes and the glares.” His hand gently stroked Yusuke’s face. “Then I heard your voice, then I felt your hands and before I knew it I saw your face.” Akira whispered. “You saved me Yusuke.”

“That’s what we do.” Yusuke said softly as he leaned into Akira’s touch. His hand was cold and clammy so he pressed against it harder. “We help each other. We save each other. You would save me…” He recalled the last time and smiled. “You saved me last time so now I save you. You’ll save me the next time too. That’s what I needed. Someone to lend me a hand.” He caught Akira’s wrist and pressed it harder against his face. “Because when you get help after suffering for so long. You shouldn’t let go.”

“No you shouldn’t.” Akira’s voice trembled. “No I shouldn’t.” He said softly. “No we shouldn’t. when we finally get that hand we shouldn’t let go.”

Akira’s eyes were so steady, the longer he looked at Yusuke the more he recovered from his dream. Yusuke was reminded of the way Akira had held tightly to his hand the first time he realized they were more alike than he had thought. He recalled Morgana’s words and he thought about himself as he looked at Akira.

There were some things he knew that Akira would want to do. Things he would like to say but he would not. Yusuke even knew why. Akira took the title of leader seriously. It was in his actions. It was in the way he spoke and the things that he did. For that reason and that reason alone if this moment was ever to start something. Yusuke would have to be the one to speak first.

But no words left his lips. Instead he gently touched Akira’s chin and tilted him up. slowly he leaned forward until his lips brushed Akira’s cheek. Akira’s gasp as his actions made him pause but when Akira didn’t pull away or tense up Yusuke leaned in again. When he brushed his lips against Akira’s the boy under him sighed and leaned in until the brushing of lips turned into something that could be called a kiss.

His lips were cold but they were soft. Akira relaxed so much against Yusuke it was like he had melted. Yusuke stroked Akira’s cheek before he gripped his chin and changed the angle of the kiss. His heart was wild in his chest but his mind was clear. Somewhere deep inside of him, it felt as though he had just finished a huge puzzle, that he had slid the last puzzle piece in place. Kissing Akira, touching him, holding him. To Yusuke, it was like feeling sunlight for the first time.

X

Their problems did not go away just because. There were many things to do and still many horrors for them to sort through. Yusuke had never felt for a second that things would be solved just by being with Akira.

They still had to deal with the day to things but it was easier. Far easier to put up with the whispers and the stares. It was so easy to just ignore them all. He knew Akira was waiting and he knew that whatever nightmare came his way. Akira would save him from it.

If he stayed at the dorms and could not sleep he could call Akira and listen to his voice. Listen to his words until his heart calmed. Knowing that he was not alone. That he did not have to fight alone. That reassured him more than anything else had.

Yusuke loved him, he was in love and when he had fallen he was not entirely too sure. Was it the first night he had stayed over? The second time where Akira had taken him from his bad dreams? What was the first change? What was the first time he had fallen? Was it maybe the first time looked at Akira and not seen Leader or Joker but just Akira.

Maybe he would never know. what Yusuke did know was that he did not have to dread the night, he did not have to dread his dreams either. Akira was there, he was there to save him and Yusuke was there to save him too. they understood hard eyes and they understood harsh whispers. Both of them understood that they were not alone, no matter where they were.

“You know how the trains run on Sundays man.” Ryuji picked up Yusuke’s plate and Ann’s before he followed Akira to the sink. “We have to split before we get trapped in Yongen-Jaya. Not that I’d mind crashing and all but I’ve got laundry to do and I really want to finish my homework before tomorrow. I’d like not to have to do it on the train or before the teacher picks it up.”

“Ryuji being responsible is so weird.” Ann teased as she gently placed Morgana on the table. “But he’s right. There are stuff I need to do before tomorrow. I have work so I need to get ready. Also I want to do a little revision before class.” She sighed. “And the last time the trains were late, I don’t want to have to go through that again. Better be early than take the chance.”

“Hey Yusuke.” Ryuji spoke over the sound of water hitting dishes. “You leaving with us too? you going back to the dorms right? You don’t want to get trapped in the dorms or Shibuya do you?”

“Yusuke’s staying the night. He needs to help me with things.” Akira’s voice was smooth as he oved back to the booth. He slipped wrapped packages into Ryuji’s bag and brushed Ann’s hand away to slip the other into her bag. “It’s just you and Ann in danger of being trapped her Ryuji… sure you don’t want to come to the bathhouse?”

“You…” Ryuji groaned. “Seriously. Of course you would make fun of me. But I’m out.” He declared as the sink switched off. “We got a lot done today so that is more than enough for me. Ann has work tomorrow but we still have enough people for surveillance so I need a good night sleep and to avoid detention so that means coming to school on time and having my stuff.” He finished in a groan.

“I believe in you.” Akira laughed as he rooted around in the pockets of his apron. He slipped Ann an envelope as she picked up her bag and then Ryuji’s. Akira lightly tapped Ryuji on the back when he came around the counter and moved toward the booth. “I hope I see you on the early train.”

“Let’s not get drastic now.” Ryuji muttered as he took the bag from Ann. “But if Yusuke’s saying we can look forward to more items huh. Shoot, I guess we should have taken time in this meeting to go through items and wash some of that nasty shit from the metaverse huh.”

“We have that covered.” Akira laughed softly. “We’ll do some washing later on tonight. In between that we’ll be making more infiltration tools and items for the next big mission. Best to be prepared you guys.”

“Yeah!” Ryuji laughed as he high fived Akira. “You tell us leader. Now if you don’t mind, I really don’t want to be trapped in the station.” He laughed as he turned towards the door. “Let’s figure out how we are meeting tomorrow after lunch. Group chat as always. We can’t do anything big without Ann but snooping is okay.”

“It’s nice how you are so considerate.” Ann snorted before she hugged Akira. “See you tomorrow. Let’s hope the shoot wraps up early. We can meet in Shibuya or something afterwards but for now. Keep things light without me okay? I’ll be worried sick if you go in and do major work without me.”

“I hear you Ann.” Akira smiled as Ryuji and Ann waved and left the café. “Monday should be fun.” He smiled before he glanced at Morgana. “It’s too early to sleep so what do you think about sorting out that dirty mess and crafting some tools?”

“I want to examine some of the items myself.” Yusuke slipped out the booth and stretched before he went to Akira’s side. “There is still a lot of work to be done before we can go to sleep.”

“But I’m sure I’ll have a good night’s sleep with you by my side.” Akira’s hand reached for his so Yusuke gave it. The warmth made him smile, the squeeze made him return one. “There’s no better way to start the week than with you Yusuke.” Yusuke just pulled his boyfriend into his arms and held him tightly. Honestly, he felt exactly the same way. Akira by his side made everything else so much easier. He was not alone and neither was Akira. the nightmares would come, the stares and whispers would come but he had someone by his side to fight them all back and he would do the same.


End file.
